Ok so I’m doing something different for Manifest Monday this week. I’ve invited guest blogger Esther Gaines, an awesome woman of God and host of 2aiming3arrows.com, to share some of her insight about aiming our arrows (children and family) towards God. So enjoy, leave your comments for her, and check out her website as well. Thanks, Esther, for your contribution!

Growing up, I don’t remember our family being very physically or verbally affectionate. As a mother now, it’s something I’m very intentional about doing. Even though it initially felt awkward (and still does sometimes), I push past how I feel and give them what I know they need. However, God has been showing me that I’m still lacking love in very simple interactions I have with my sons. I’ll tell my oldest “Good job!” on his cursive writing, but it’s AFTER I’ve pointed out two areas he can improve. I’ll tell our middle son “Awesome!” for picking up his toys without being asked AFTER I’ve pointed out the two Legos he missed. And RIGHT AFTER I say these things, God whispers to me “Esther… why?? Yeah, you’re saying it, but it’s a little backwards.” I DON’T KNOW, GOD! IT JUST CAME OUT THAT WAY! With all of this, when I just out-right fail to notice the good they do, I will inevitably find our oldest son going ABOVE AND BEYOND to help me with his baby brother or things around the house. He will also ask me to look at EVERY single flip or shot he makes. Our younger son will also ask me to look at EVERY SINGLE drawing he makes and Lego airplane he has designed. Show-N-Tell doesn’t have to be put on the calendar in these times; it will occur every 5 -10 minutes. And I think I know why…

My sons are deeply desiring my genuine attention. They want to know, by my responses AND actions, I care about what they care about. That I “see them” and will simply invite them into my whole heart’s world as much as they invite me into theirs.

They, as little boys, are just like us.

We were created to love AND be loved, specifically by God. So, how does this happen? How do we know love?

Our knowledge or how we “know” love is, by default, based on how we were loved by our parents or caretakers. Children whose parents/caretakers were physically affectionate, spoke many “I love yous”, or were shown adequate attention tend to become the same as parents. Children who experience the opposite or minimal exposure to such behaviors tend to operate in the same manner as parents too. What’s so fascinating about this is how it relates to not only our children but also the relationships we have in our lifetime. I see this in my own life, so maybe I’m the only one 😉

Based on how we were raised or how we have come to understand love, we often walk out the same patterns & ideas of love with our spouse, our children, our relatives, our friends, our church community members, our co-workers, etc. We will love them the same way we were loved and/or how we came to understand love.

We may love others deeply or we may love them distantly.

We may love others through their errors because OUR parents/caretakers loved us through our errors by surrounding their discipline of us with love.

We may love others UNTIL they do something wrong or something bad happens (or we wait and expect something bad to happen) because our parents/caretakers “seemed” to have loved us until we did something wrong or there was a divorce that happened (NOTE from self: the devil is a deceiver & often ALWAYS twists our emotions against facts unknown and known)

We may tolerate and not really love others because it seems our parents/caretakers “tolerated” and didn’t really “love” us.

We may even find ourselves loving people by doing things for them in hopes they will reciprocate the attention and concern we’re longing for or encouragement we need to hear (Rejection  Longing  Alternative means for attention)

Like I said, I truly believe and know from my own experience that we will often love others the same way we were loved and/or how we came to understand love… unless we are shown otherwise. Unless we are shown THE epitome of love. GOD in Christ Jesus because… He IS love. I John 4:8

Love which is present and deeper than our hearts.

Love that pursues us in our times of error and discipline.

Love that endures with us when the bad happens.

Love that doesn’t tolerate our mess but still chases us with honesty so we can be free.

Love which requires no work of ours to earn.

When we encounter this love and more from God, the way our parents/caretakers did or did not love us will be overshadowed by how much God loves and desires us, enabling our lives to be satisfied completely by Him. As we learn this, we MUST apply it to our hearts, forgive and share this great love by loving others the way GOD calls us to love, not by our own standards and tainted emotions.

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (appeasement) for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” I John 4:8-12

My sons were and still are deeply desiring my genuine attention. They want to know I “see them” and will invite them into my world as much as they invite me into theirs. As a mother, I must give my heart fully to God and receive HIS love so I can love them as much as He does.

But I’ll fail and never be able to love them as much as God does. That’s why, above all else, I have to aim my little boy arrows (and others) towards God in Christ Jesus. I pray daily they encounter and KNOW the love of their Heavenly Father whose love is flawless, unrelenting and ever-present because, at the end of the day, I will never be able to love them in ways that fulfill their needs and be shared righteously towards others.

However, GOD and His love ALWAYS will.

Psalm 127:4 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” This verse changed Esther’s life as a mother, so she started blogging in 2014 to share the easy and challenging lessons of aiming God’s arrows in His direction.

Since her first job at 14 years old as an after-school care leader, a youth ministry leader in her 20s as well as a licensed middle school Language Arts teacher, one would think raising and aiming arrows was in Esther’s DNA – something she was naturally able to do. However, she has found that God knows us better than we know ourselves, knows exactly what we need to humble us and knows how to keep us at His feet. For her, it was not about the experience she had with children; it was coming to grips with the realities of motherhood. With seven years of marriage beginning as a newly-wed mom to now homeschooling two of three boys, Esther finds comedy in how God teaches her lessons through her sons, guides her with His word and grants her patience & mercy through His presence.

“As I blog about the lessons God is teaching me, it is my hope another mom or parent can be encouraged, laugh out loud and find the same strength I’ve found through my very ‘ugly-honest’ relationship with Jesus. Maybe I get put in awkward mommy situations because of my stubbornness and pride. Maybe it is to make an example out of me. Whatever the reason, I’m becoming grateful and trusting of God through my failures, praying other parents will do the same.”