Archive for Relationship with Others

Moving on from Your Past

Posted on December 30, 2011 by

Asking if a person can move on from their past is like asking can a person get over an infection.  Why do I say this?  Because like an infection, past experiences can be overcome if dealt with or treated properly.  If left untreated or treated improperly though, it can linger and breed more problems for you in the long run.

Let’s look at the case of a bacterial infection.  When we are diagnosed with some type of infection, the doctor usually prescribes an antibiotic to rid our bodies of it.  With the prescription comes specific instructions such a,s take all of the medication even if you begin to feel better; take for a specific number of days and at specific times of the day; and take before or after meals.  These instructions must be followed for best results to occur.  What ‘s also important to note is that misuse of an antibiotic can develop a resistance, making it harder to treat future infections.

Okay, so how does this relate to a past that keeps haunting you or that people keep throwing in your face?  How you deal with your past is just as important as how you deal with an infection.  You can’t just ignore it as if it never happened or pretend that it is not affecting you when you know deep down that it really is.

Here are some things that may help to free you from the “dis-ease” of your past.

  • Get to the root of the problem.  Don’t just try to deal with the symptoms.  You need to know who and what from your past is the source of your present pain.  Identifying or diagnosing the problem is the first step to healing because then you can begin treatment.  Prayer is a really good tool for investigating these kinds of things.  If you ask, the Holy Spirit will reveal it to you. (John 14:26)
  • Learn to forgive.  If someone from your past is the source of your pain, treat it by giving it a good ol’ dose of forgiveness.  Not only does it set them free from the charge you are holding against them, but it sets you free as well.  Unforgiveness is bondage–not for the unforgiven, but for the unforgiver!  Again, there is help for those who feel that forgiveness is impossible based on the severity of the offense.  This may help–Jesus forgives any and all offenses, great, small, and in between–the ones committed by you and me. (Eph. 4:32)
  • Make peace with yourself.  Once you’ve released the offender(s) through forgiveness, now make peace with yourself.  Yeah, it happened, but do not allow yourself to wallow in the memories of it by meditating on it or talking about it.  This only leads to pity parties, and trust me no one wants to be invited to that gathering.  Do what the Word of God advises, be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom. 12:2).  Let God’s Word change the way you think about the past.  No one said it better than Joseph after all he endured at the hands of his brothers, “You thought evil against me, but God meant it for good. (Gen. 50:20)  He has a way of making all things, not just some things, but all things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28)
  • Fight to stay free.  When the urge to resent comes knocking on your door, especially when you are in the presence of the one you’ve forgiven, do all you can to maintain your new position.  Cast down every thought (you will have them) and every evil imagination (they will come) that sets itself up against the true knowledge of God, and lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)  Additionally, how you deal with your past is how you will deal with your future when it eventually becomes your past. 

Proper use of the steps shared above will help to make your past a thing of the past.  Applied daily and with fervency, this can heal a multitude of hurt and help prevent further injury.

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’. 

Can anyone help extend my metaphor even further?  I welcome your input.

Written by Briana Whitaker

http://www.mckinley.illinois.edu/handouts/antibiotics_qa.html

2 comments Posted in Moving Forward

Be What You Desire

Posted on December 29, 2011 by
English: Look deeper in to your friends person...

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While riding in my car recently, I heard a very interesting question posed on the radio.

“Are there any good men left?” the radio announcer asked, repeating a caller’s inquiry.  The broadcasters all commented that this is the age-old question that should have been answered years ago, but has found its way back into conversation.  Well, I’d hate to answer a question with a question, but I feel it is necessary.

To answer the caller’s question one must consider this one…Are you a good woman?

Now one might argue that we should be defining what “good” really is, but I beg to differ since that term can mean so many different things to different people.  Does good mean that he has a good job with good pay and benefits and doesn’t mind sharing it with you?  Does good mean he’s good-looking and has a wonderful personality to match?  Does good mean he holds religious convictions and actually follows them in his daily life?  Or does good mean a combination of them all?  It’s too subjective to say the least.  What’s important to me may not be important to millions of other women out there.  So to spend time discussing whether or not good men exist is a waste of time if you ask me.  It would be more objective and meaningful to take a self-reflective approach and apply your own definition of good to yourself.

Do I have a good job with good pay and benefits and don’t mind sharing?  Yes.  Am I good-looking with a wonderful personality to match?  Yes.  Do I hold religious convictions and actually follow them in my daily life?  Yes.  Am I a good woman? Absolutely!  To question whether or not there are any good men or women left in the world is to question your own goodness or worth.  I believe that you attract what you are, so do not be what you do not want.  Once I heard a woman say that before she lost 50 pounds she thought people stayed away from her because she was fat.  After she lost the weight a friend told her that when she was fat no one could stand her attitude.  The revelation is, it’s not your physical state that repels people in most cases, it’s what emanates from the inside and how you make people feel when they are around you.  Do you want a man who’s confident?  Then boost your own confidence.  Do you want a man who has goals and the tenacity to accomplish them?  Then be a go getter yourself.  Do you want a man who trusts you?  Then learn to trust others.  Do you want a man with high moral standards?  Then raise yours.

Before anyone thinks that I have discovered some hidden truth, let me say that the truth has already been written–the Word of God.  So let every word be established by two or three witnesses.  In Luke 6:37-38 it says “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye meet withal it shall be measured to you again.  That sounds to me like drawing what you are and receiving what you dish out.  My second witness comes from Proverbs 18:24 part a which says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.”  That, again, sounds like being the type of person you want to attract.  In essence, to draw a good man be a good woman.  To attract a better man, be a better woman.

So my friends, remember that it’s easy to impose all these stipulations onto another person, but are you willing to be what you are desiring your mate to be?  If you are already the things you desire in your mate, then you just rest assured that not only is he coming your way, but he’ll be coming correct.  If you’re not quite in the state you desire yet, that’s okay too.  You have a wonderful opportunity called singleness to make the necessary adjustments.  With God, all things are possible!

I’m not judging.  I’m just sayin’.

Written by Briana Whitaker

2 comments Posted in Dating

Kardashian Kraziness

Posted on December 28, 2011 by
Keeping Up with the Kardashians

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On Christmas Eve I  spent a relaxing evening at home with my husband watching episode after episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”  I am not a fan of the infamous family, but I really wanted to find out what led to the demise of Kim and Kris’ marriage.   I found out about their split while standing in the checkout line of BI-LO one day, and the topic intrigued me.    Just a few weeks earlier I read about their lavish wedding in another magazine.  And now this?  Was it really a hoax?  What could have possibly happened to them?  Surely Kim is not in need of his money; him being new to the basketball league and her being on the cover of countless magazines.  Surely she is not desperate for a man; her having been on the arm of countless men.  As I sat through the marathon of shows, I was determined to find out the missing pieces.

The discovery didn’t take long.  On one episode the two argued about whether or not he would live with her and her sister’s boyfriend and child in New York or live in his hometown of Minnesota where he could focus on his career without distractions.  Quite naturally, after telling Kris that she didn’t mind living thousands of miles apart, she changed her mind.  Suddenly it seemed weird to her that a newly wed couple live in separate states.  Duh!  Any idiot could have told her that.  On another episode the topic of having children came up.  The very words “I’m thinking about getting off birth control because I want to have a baby,” made Kris’ eyes bug and his neck snap back in surprise as if the concept of reproducing was foreign to him.  Seriously, dude?  Did you not think this would come up, eventually?

I now knew the problem.  The quirky couple failed to do D on my WAIT ON GOD list–devote time to deep conversation; probably because they were too busy failing to do A on the list–abstaining from fleshly lusts.  Prime example of clouded judgment and shallow conversation.  All of these arguments (or heated debates) should have taken place BEFORE saying I do to avoid the international embarrassment (I almost forgot for a minute that they get paid for such tomfoolery).  I call this…Epic.Failure.

My husband joked with me saying, “When did we talk about these things…the first date?”  While it wasn’t exactly that soon into the relationship, it was definitely well before the wedding and well before the engagement.  We went in knowing where we’d live and if we were going to have children.  This pre-planning was part of our compatibility test.  A test that Kim and Kris obviously failed.  Well, hopefully the two have learned from their mistakes and won’t repeat them in the next series of relationships.  Maybe, just maybe, Kim will get a chance to read “Wait on God” before she thinks about spending billions on her next wedding.  I’m not judging.  I’m just sayin’.

By Briana Whitaker

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