Tag Archive for decisions

When Marriage Trumps Shopping

Posted on December 31, 2014 by

I love to shop. Even mIMG_0045ore than that I love to find killer outfits for a bargain. With all the options and my extreme indecisive nature, my search for THE perfect dress at THE perfect price for my launch party has been a challenge. But this post is not so much about the dress as it is about what occurred today as I was on the hunt for it.

I decided to travel about an hour away from home to look for a dress today at my favorite discount department store–Ross. Mind you, I had already purchased a dress last week from a different Ross that was nice, but I didn’t quite get the feeling that it was THE ONE, so the search continued. I perused the racks for all of the viable options (I found about eight) and headed to the dressing room. One after one I tried them on. Not all of them were in the running for launch party dress, but they were on sale so the shopaholic in me couldn’t resist giving them a try.

Then the indecisive me kicked in. I narrowed it down to two possibilities, but couldn’t decide which one said what I wanted it to say. I’m sure the women out there understand what I mean when I say my clothes should talk. They should speak to me and to everyone who sees me in them. The way I know that a dress is perfect for me is if it says “Girl, you look good! Buy me!” What it should say to others depends on the occasion and the look I’m trying to achieve. For my launch party I’m going for classy sexy, you know something that screams “sophisticated author” . Since I couldn’t interpret the language of these particular selections, I asked someone else’s opinion, which is not unusual for me. The salesperson seemed friendly and accommodating enough so I modeled for her. I walked out in the first dress, which was a red lacy sheath dress.

“Ok. Turn around and let me see the back,” the salesperson said emotionless.

I turned around in a circle to let her take in the entire look, pausing to get some indication of her opinion.

“Next,” she said.

Obviously that one was either too quiet or mute.

“How about this one?” I asked as I came out in my other choice, a red and black A-line dress with a satin bottom.

“Now that is the one!” she said. There was the emotion and enthusiasm. “It fits perfectly and looks very classy,” she went on–and on. It was equally obvious that this was speaking her language.  I can admit that it did say part of what I wanted it to say, which is classy, but the sexy part was still lacking in my opinion.

At that point I went on and bought the second dress anyway since it got such rave reviews from the salesperson and a few onlookers, but I still wasn’t completely sold. As I was leaving the store a thought popped into my head. Maybe I can go back to the other Ross and find something better.  Surely they’ve gotten in a new shipment of dresses since the last time I was there. Not knowing how to get there from this location, I consulted Siri. The distance was 74 miles and would take 1 hour and 45 minutes to travel. Yikes! I was already out later than I had originally planned, and I told my husband that I would be back home shortly. Besides, he wouldn’t quite understand my need to keep searching for the perfect dress, especially if it meant traveling a much further distance and being gone all day. Then for a split second I missed my single life.        

You see, if I was still single I would have taken that trip with no hesitation. I’d drive that nearly two hours with no guarantee of finding the sought-after perfect dress and think about it later. But since I’m married I have to think about things from a married woman’s perspective. My husband would not like it very much if I came home after dark with yet another dress without considering him, and honestly speaking I wouldn’t like it if he did something without considering me. The shopaholic in me tried to justify my desire to keep looking by saying I could just pick up dinner on the way home, but the wife in me knew better. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of my responsibility as a married woman. It’s not all about me anymore. My responsibility is now to another, and that’s alright with me. It’s the life I chose and it is a blessing to me just as being single is to the single woman. For me, the blessing is that marriage keeps me grounded. More specifically, being married to my husband keeps me grounded and rational when I’m sometimes irrational. As I thought about it some more I realized another reason that it wouldn’t have been a wise thing to make that trip. My phone’s battery life was low and I didn’t have my car charger. Not only would I have been gone much longer, but I wouldn’t have been able to call anyone had something happened to me on the road. So I drove past the exit to the other store and headed home to my husband. The funny thing is, I received a text from my him on my way back asking me to bring home dinner and peach tea. I knew it was the Holy Spirit who advised me to go home, and I’m glad I listened. Besides, Ross will still be there tomorrow. 🙂

One comment Posted in Marriage

4 Ways to Find Balance in an Unbalanced World

Posted on November 30, 2014 by

work-life-balance-life-purpose1-e1323868100164

1 Peter 5:8 (AMP) says “be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times, for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.”

I often wonder how so many believers’ lives end up in so much turmoil. Yeah, I know that some suffering comes as a result of living a righteous lifestyle, but what about the self-inflicted suffering?  The kind that comes as a result of the poor decisions that are made. The kind that makes believers look weak and defeated.  Weakness and defeat are definitely not part of a believer’s inheritance.  In fact, Jesus’s death, burial, and resurrection has secured the victory and strength for us. So why do we sometimes lose sight of that fact? Why do we sometimes live our lives reacting to situations instead of controlling them?  I believe that a part of the problem is that our lives in many cases are not in proper spiritual balance. What do I mean? Webster defines balance as mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior and judgment; and the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling. So how do we attain to this place of steadiness, stability, calmness in our behavior and judgment, and remaining in our spiritual position without losing control so that we can experience the victory in every situation?  The answer lies in having a well-balanced life that is attained by prioritizing your life.  The first priority should be God.

Our make up is as follows…spirit, soul, and body–in that order. That is the order of importance and the order to which attention should be given. Unfortunately, in many cases the order is switched to body first and spirit last.  Hence, an imbalanced out-of-control life. You’ve heard of people getting involved in things they shouldn’t because of a void they are trying to fill. They try to compensate with things and people who are incapable of making up for what is lacking spiritually, a spirit that is sensitive to the voice of God. Giving your spirit man priority means giving God priority since that is where His Spirit dwells inside you. It also means that your spirit will be the strongest influence on your decisions, which means that you will be less inclined to fall prey to the devil. Temptations are sure to come in our lives, but God promised that we would not be tempted above what we can stand with the aid of the Spirit and the escape that he provides (1 Corinthians 10:13). Thankfully, there are things we can do to head off many temptations before they come our way. Those things are summed up in these words–being well balanced. Here’s what we can do according to scripture to attain proper balance in our lives.

1. Exercise self control (temperance). Temperance is a fruit of the spirit that means self-control. Being able to control one’s self can be a challenging task, especially when we haven’t spent adequate time in the Word of God, but it is so necessary to living a spiritually balanced life. So many Christians live carnal lives rather than spiritual lives, meaning that they are controlled by the flesh and its dictates. If the flesh wants to indulge in an activity that is clearly warned against in God’s Word, those who are carnal give in to it. It’s like giving a spoiled child everything he or she wants just because he cries for it. All that is teaching the child is that he is supposed to have everything he wants when he wants it. The only way to correct that unruly behavior is to apply some serious discipline. That’s what Paul spoke of in 1 Corinthians 9:27 (ESVUK).

“But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

I don’t care how loud the flesh cries out for sin, do not give in. Please realize that the flesh is a pure mess, and if given the opportunity it will drive you off a cliff and into sin. It will manipulate and control the real you (your spirit) if not put in check regularly. Exercising self-control and discipline will help to quiet the flesh. After a few consistent no’s to unholy requests, the flesh will learn that there are limits not to be crossed, and it will have no other choice but to obey.

2. Make decisions in a state of peace. As much as is possible, avoid making important decisions in haste. It can be tempting to jump on the first thing that looks and feels good. But it would do us well to heed the Bible’s instructions to acknowledge God first in all our ways before making any decision, instead of only acknowledging our flesh and what it wants. In our haste we get ahead of God, and He doesn’t stop you because He’s given you free will. In fact, the first thing you must do is cast all of your cares on him for he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7) His answers come packaged in peace. So what kinds of decisions fall into this category? What car to buy, what home to purchase, who to marry, and where to work are a just a few. These things require investment of your time and resources and in many ways can affect others around you. They should not be decided upon lightly or in the height of emotion, but rather with a sober, clear mind. True clarity comes from God, and we have to be sensitive enough through time spent with Him to discern His voice on these matters. With His approval our decisions can be made in peace.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

3. Be watchful and pay attention.  Don’t just take everything at face value. Consider what is behind what you see. I am not suggesting that you live in a state of paranoia. I am urging you to be cautious of your surroundings. Many an unsuspecting person has been the victim of crime because they were not on guard or were too trusting of the wrong people. Be prayerful and judge everything, and I mean everything by what the Word says. If it is God sent, it should agree with God. If it is Satan sent, it definitely will not agree with God. To use an old cliche, everything that glitters isn’t gold. That crooked salesman’s intent all along was to pull the wool over your eyes long enough to get you to buy the fake stuff and pay authentic prices. He didn’t want you to ask any questions or examine it too closely because you would have picked up on his scheme. Satan is no different. He will say and do all of the right things just to deceive you. Don’t allow him the advantage. He won’t have the advantage if you are aware of and watch for his devices (2 Corinthians 2:11).

4. Live purposefully.  Be intentional and plan for spiritual success every day.  Lack of strategy leaves you vulnerable to the enemy’s strategies.  Trust me, he has one against you. One good strategy is to command your morning as is spoken of in Job 38:12 (KJV).

“Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place…”

In this passage, Job may have been referring to his inability to control the sun’s rising, but I think it is useful in another way. Since believers have creative power in their tongues just like God our Father, we should use that power constructively to set our days in order. What I mean by that is, each morning is an opportunity to speak good things over yourself–things that you desire to happen in the course of your day. Also, catering to your spiritual life first thing in the morning sets your day up for success. I submit to you that breakfast is not the most important meal of the day, God’s Word is; for “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Neglecting to do this is like living haphazardly.  In other words, you leave your day to chance and subject yourself to be on the defensive to the enemy’s attacks–having to react to what he sends your way. Living purposefully puts you in a position to attack and thwart his plans before they are carried out against you.

 

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

Are there any other ways you find spiritual balance in your life?

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How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 3

Posted on November 20, 2014 by
the one

Selah. Pause and calmly think about that.

Good day, folks!  It’s time to continue exploring reasons why some couples put wedding plans off into the distant future.  I hope you are having as much fun reading this as I am having writing it.

Myth # 3:  I’m need proof that he/she is “THE ONE.”

I totally understand the importance of being confident in your choice for a spouse.  Marriage isn’t something to be entered into lightly, and you should get to know the person you are dating.  But here’s the kicker…you will never know all there is to know about a person just by dating them. As much as people say they are keeping it real while dating, for the most part they are still putting their best faces forward. There are certain things that you can only learn through a marriage relationship. Now wait a minute.  I feel the need to restate that I am addressing Christians who have a desire to do things God’s way.  Therefore, shacking and common law situations are NOT an option for those individuals, according to God’s holy ordinances. At some point you’ve got to believe that the information you’ve gathered through dating is enough and trust God with the rest.

Now for those who need proof that you are with the right one, my question to you is what kind of sign are you waiting for after years and years of dating? Are you waiting for a supernatural experience from God like a dream, a prophesy, or a burning bush experience? Are you waiting on a certain feeling or emotion to just overtake you? Are you waiting for the things you don’t like about the person to change? Are you waiting on a particular person you’ve been hiding in your back pocket to make a move so you know what your next one should be?  Let me share this bit of wisdom with you.  First, God does not always speak through dreams or prophecies.  Actually, He most often speaks through His Word and through your spirit in the form of a “knowing” and a still small voice that you have to be sensitive enough spiritually to perceive. Second, I wouldn’t put too much stock in feelings because they change, and because “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) It’s not safe to base your life decisions on a false witness. Also, faith and feelings don’t line up. We are instructed to walk by faith, not by sight or our senses (2 Corinthians 5:7). It takes faith to marry and stay married, no matter who you choose. Thirdly, what you see is what you get.  Expecting a person to change for you is futile. Change can only occur with the aid of the Holy Ghost, but a person has to want the change.  You wanting it for them is not enough. Fourth, if you have a backup plan that includes another person in case things with your current relationship don’t pan out, your motives were wrong to begin with.  It is impossible to build a loving relationship if your heart isn’t all in.  In either of those cases, you’ve got to figure out from whence cometh your indecision.

If it comes from a valid place where there are valid concerns that need addressing, that’s cool.  But what’s not cool is playing the string game with the person you are dating.  That’s the game where you string them along with their emotions dragging behind you while you decide what you want to do. I played this game once during my dating years, not because I was trying to be cruel but because I could not come to terms with my own conflicting emotions.  I didn’t want to lose out on a great person, but I also knew that I wasn’t as into him as he was into me.  It wasn’t fair for me to make him wait on me to make up my mind when he already knew what he wanted.  So once I realized what was happening, I put the relationship on hold until I could figure some things out. That much needed space helped me put things into perspective and allowed him the opportunity to find the love he really deserved with someone else. Am I saying that everyone should do this?  Not at all.  I am suggesting that if you have reservations about your relationship that you work on finding out why instead of continuing to date aimlessly.

IJS

What are your thoughts?  Challenges of thought are welcomed too. 🙂 By the way, be on the lookout for Part 4 in tomorrow’s post.

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