Archive for Relationship with Others

The Pain of Discipline

Posted on June 30, 2016 by

discipline2I wasn’t ready, saints. I thought I had until my son at least turned one before having to deal with temper tantrums, but not so. One night while I was putting him down to sleep he got really fussy. I knew he wanted to nurse, but I didn’t give in to his demands because I knew he wasn’t hungry. Do you know what he did next? That adorable baby of mine threw his arms down with his little fists balled up and grunted loudly, frowning up his face at me. No he didn’t just give me attitude, I thought. A friend of mine joked, saying that the man inside him is standing up already. Well, I need that man to sit down–pronto! I’m sure you’re wondering how I handled that first surge of testosterone. I looked him straight in the eye with as stern a face as I could make and said “NO” with an even more stern tone of voice. I think he got the picture. The man inside him did actually sit down, at least for the moment, because his frown softened, he stopped grunting, and he went on to sleep.

That was my first encounter with disciplining my son, and it wasn’t so bad. Honestly though, I have mixed feelings about my son’s first spanking.

On one hand I’m looking forward to proving to the world and to myself that I’m no pushover when it comes to my child. I also want my son to know that like Homie the Clown, mommy don’t play that. But on the other hand, I am not looking forward to picking up a belt and making him cry. I don’t think any parent looks forward to it. But some people I know seem to spank with ease. Lord knows I will need help with this. The Lord who is my help, knowing just what I need has provided his Word as a source of instruction and comfort.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Before my son was born I was adamant about me being a better disciplinarian than my husband because of my teaching experience. But now that I see that adorable little face I have to pray for the strength to do what needs to be done on that blessed day when Gabe makes a poor decision (and he will) that warrants the rod of correction.  Lord, Jesus be a belt and a box of Kleenex for me afterwards. Nevertheless, no matter how undesirable discipline is to the giver and the receiver, it MUST be done. Here’s why.

Proverbs 22:15                                                                                                              Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

AND

Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
I may not get many Amens on this one, but the Word is the Word. Our children are bound to do foolish things in life. That’s a part of growing up, but I REFUSE to be brought to shame as his m
other. Many parents make the mistake of trying to befriend their child, which makes parenting their child a catch 22. They worry that the child won’t like them if they correct them. I can understand that ” friend verses disciplidisciplinenarian” relationship as a school counselor. My role on my job is to be a student’s adult friend so to speak. I try to make them feel comfortable enough around me to tell me anything, and for the most part they do because I do not handle discipline in the way an administrator would. Because of that, I have to be really careful not to carry that same mentality home to my own child. I just love it that Gabe loves and even likes being around me, but at the end of the day I would rather he respect me.
In preparation for respect training camp here are a few discipline do’s that I hope to maintain.

Do keep my word. I will try my best to prove to my son that I am a woman of my word and that I follow through. Therefore, I will make every effort not to make promises that I cannot and have no intentions of keeping, particularly when disciplining him. For example, if he does something inappropriate, instead of giving idol threats that may tempt someone to call DSS (use your imagination here) or threatening to cancel the birthday party that I spent lots of time and energy planning, I will correct him with a punishment that is realistic and that fits the crime.

Do keep my cool. As much as my son’s behavior may have an impact on my mood at times, I will try my best not to discipline him when I am angry. That kind of goes back to keeping my word. If I say that I will send him to his room or spank him for doing something wrong, I need to do just that if he decides to continue the behavior before I allow my agitation to flare up. Letting him push the envelope over and over again only grinds my gears the more, and if I’m frustrated I probably won’t do much of the next discipline do, which is…

Do keep teaching. I will try to use discipline as an opportunity to teach, meaning that a spanking should be preceded by a conversation about the behavior and what would have been more acceptable. At times that conversation needs to be focused on what the Word of God says about the behavior. Showing him that obeying me is also obeying God may prove to be more impactful and hopefully encourage his relationship with the Father to deepen. To keep teaching I will also be intentional about modeling appropriate behavior in front of him. That means that the things I may normally do or say before thinking will need to be adjusted for his sake. I am not saying that I will pretend to be superhuman in front of my son, but I am saying that in my effort to practice responding better to upsetting stimuli, I may actually permanently change my reaction to upsetting stimuli. So he benefits by seeing a good example, and I benefit by improving my attitude. We both win!

I know that there will be lots more opportunities to train him as he ages, and I am determined to do it according to God’s standards. It may be hard at times, and I may have my mad-as-heck Madea moments; but I understand the awesome task to which God has called my husband and me. He has entrusted us with the great responsibility to care for, nurture, protect, and mold him through discipline and setting the right example. And we will do those things to set him up for success in this life.

I want to hear from all the parents reading this. What was it like for you when you had to discipline your child for the first time? What advice can you give me or any others who need help with this?

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No Competition!

Posted on June 23, 2016 by
women-no-competition
This week’s guest blogger is none other than the Queen Supreme herself, Ms. Ieshia Farmer. Ieshia was crowned Ms. S.C. Plus America 2015 and is the founder of Esther’s Jewels Girls Purity Ministry
(www.facebook.com/esthersjewels). I’ve asked Ieshia to address an issue that I think is unfortunately very relevant in the body of Christ today, especially among women. That is competitive jealousy. I’ve been tempted with it myself and have recently asked the Lord to search my own heart for any sign of that pesky spirit lurking around. I want my heart and all my motives to always remain pure before God so that I can continue to be used by Him. If you’re like me and want to know how to overcome competitive jealousy from a beauty queen and woman of God’s perspective, read on. Speak, Ieshia! 
As a 30-something year old woman, I have experienced, and even contributed to, competing with other women. It can be the smallest things that breed competition: careers, fashion, friendship, and the ultimate one…men. Why do we do this? I have developed my own philosophy for why women compete.
1. We lack confidencompetece in ourselves.
2. We see in other women the things that we don’t see in ourselves.
3. We have allowed society’s standards for us to make us feel like we are inadequate, resulting in seeing other women as a threat.
4. We weren’t taught that we are good enough.
5. We are afraid of not fitting in.
6. We allow our emotions to guide us.
In a world that doesn’t associate femininity with power, we are sometimes forced to direct our disdain toward one another. Instead of seeing the bigger problem, we pinpoint the negative in among ourselves. Isn’t this how the enemy works? He looks for ways to create confusion and separation among God’s people. Where is the easiest place to start? With women! What we don’t always realize is that our influence on the Earth is greater than we will ever know. This is evident dating back to the Garden of Eden in the book of Genesis. Eve’s influence in Adam’s choices was powerful. He may not have even known that he wanted to taste the fruit, but he was so engulfed in Eve’s desire that he didn’t even have the opportunity to think for himself.
I often read posts and quotes that are shared on social media pertaining to women being compared to flowers in a garden. One that stands out is by Miranda Kerr. “A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.” We are all beautiful in our own way. The garden of life is full of so many beautiful, talented women of God. Each flower has a different purpose. The rose is never consumed with the progress of the lily’s growth, it just grows. We should be the same way.
God calls us all to different Kingdom assignments. If we focus on our own personal spiritual growth, we would not be consumed with competing. If we see one another as sisters in Christ, we will learn to be more encouraging. The Earth is large enough for us all to have an influence in the places where God sends us. We are all gifted in so many ways. We must learn to embrace everyone’s gifts. As women, we have to celebrate one another. Stop looking for the flaws in one another. Stop seeing one another as competition. Stop feeling like another one has the upper hand. Stop listening to gossip about and backbiting one another. Stop participating in situations that don’t help us gain any fruit. Embrace the greatness in the next woman, and be satisfied with who you are.
Now let’s discuss. Can you suggest other ways to overcome competitive jealousy among one another? Don’t forget to like, comment, and share if this has blessed you.
Ieshia FarmFB_IMG_1466649032404er was born, raised, and currently resides in Sumter, South Carolina. She is the Co-Founder of Ragin Preparatory
Christian Academy in Sumter, Founder of Esther’s Jewels Girls Purity Ministry, and  member of Kingdom M-Pact Worship Center.
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Going to Church Is Not Just About YOU

Posted on June 9, 2016 by

This post, inspired by my VBS students, is for all the parents out there, both married and single, who are working hard to take care of their kids financially but are missing out on another important element of raising children. Please read and share with someone you know who needs to hear this truth. It just may set them free.

These past few days I have bfamily at church.gifeen teaching a youth Vacation Bible School class consisting of children ages 7-10, and I must say that I’ve been amazed. I’m amazed at how excited these children are to learn more about the Lord. I’m amazed at how much they already know about His Word. I’m amazed at how boldly they testify about God blessing them. I’m amazed at the depth of the things they’ve prayed to God about–things that an adult may not even think to pray. Moments like these make me, as a new parent, grateful to be a part of a ministry that teaches the Word, not just Bible stories, and takes the salvation of our youth seriously. How did these youngsters become so deeply rooted in God’s Word? It’s quite simple, really. Their parents raised them in church.

I’ve come across quite a few people over the years, particularly men and single moms who have told me they don’t go to church because they have to work. Yes, you most certainly have to work to provide for your family. The Bible backs that up completely. But money ain’t everything, and when you are obedient to God He won’t let you go lacking. Get this, your biggest priority is to provide spiritual nourishment to your family by taking them to church on a consistent basis so they can be fed God’s Word. You don’t just feed them every now and then do you? How about just on holidays? Of course not. They would be malnourished, and you would be guilty of neglect if you did. Well, you can be just as guilty of neglect with God if you deprive your children of the spiritual nourishment and development that consistently being in God’s house provides. Hebrews 10:25 (GNT) says,

Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.

In addition, taking your children to church is a part of the spiritual training that God commands, not suggests, that Christian parents do. Proverbs 22:6 says this…

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

A large part of training is practicing what you preach. In other words, it’s demonstrating to your children that what you are telling them to do is also important to you. I don’t know about you but I have trouble with people who require me to do something they are not willing to do themselves. Your children may feel the same way if all you do is send them to church while you do whatever it is you do until they get back. It sends the message that going to church isn’t important. They may be inclined to repeat that same pattern of behavior when they become parents. The bottom line, folks, is this. You are the ordained spiritual covering for your household as a parent, and God is holding you responsible for raising the next generation of righteous people. You cannot do that apart from His House. And yes, we are to foster a Word and worship atmosphere in our homes as well, but personal private worship should not replace corporate worship. It should compliment it.

My intent is not to be judgmental here. I am speaking from experience. Growing up, I didn’t go to church every Sunday. For years we only went on special occasions like Easter and New Year. Truthfully, dressing up for Easter is all I can really remember about church as a young child. I think I was about six or seven when my mom and I started going every Sunday. I don’t think we were regular Bible study goers until much later than that. So what’s my point? If I were to compare myself as a child to the children in my VBS class they would have run circles around me in church and in life because they have been blessed to be raised in the church, which has given them a strong foundation in the Word. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad for the foundation I did get, but I believe I would have been so much farther along in my faith walk if I had been taught faith from the very beginning.

So here are a few practical tips that will help you get to a place where consistent church attendance is possible.

  1. Change your work schedule if you can. If you have any control over your schedule, take church times off.  If you don’t have a say in the matter, pray about it. The good thing about having a divine connection with your Heavenly Father is that He hears your prayers. If you are praying according to His will (you going to church is His will), He will give you what you desire (1 John 5:15). You could just send them to church with someone else while you go to work or stay home to rest, but they need to see you worship God. One of my favorite quotes says “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” You should want your children to imitate a good work ethic, but you should want even more for them to imitate a good worship ethic.
  2. Be persistent. If a hectic work schedule is not your issue, you have got to learn persistence when it comes to church attendance. Rainy weather is not a reason to miss church. Tiredness is not a reason to miss church. Hard times are not even a reason to miss church. Truth be told, we press for everything else we want to do–shopping, ball games, hair appointments, concerts, etc. etc. etc. As far as hard times and disappointments go, church is the best place you could be when you are going through. We find encouragement in the Word and strength from others of like faith in the sanctuary. Your children need this. YOU need this. Don’t let the minor setbacks of life keep you out of God’s house and out of fellowship with His people.
  3. Find a Word-based church. Not being able to find a church is no excuse either because there’s a church on every corner just about. BUT it is so uber important to find a church that is teaching the Word of God. In these days and times we don’t need to hear Bible stories. We need to hear truth that will prepare us for the daily spiritual battles we will face. If you don’t currently have a church like that pray that God will lead you where He wants to plant you. Yours and your children’s spiritual growth depends on it because the more you learn and grow the more you can instill in them.

So, regularly attending church is about you, but it is also about your children. Face it, being a parent requires much sacrifice. To whom much is given much is required. God blessed us when He gave us our children, and He is requiring that we give them the best possible care that we can physically, emotionally, AND spiritually.

What are your thoughts? Can you attest to how regular church attendance has helped your family?

2 comments Posted in Family, Relationship with God
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