I participated in a very enlightening discussion recently with some close friends of mine about the Virtuous Woman. The focus verse was Proverbs 31:14 which states, “She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar” (KJV). What is interesting about this particular quality in our beloved forerunner is that she does not seek convenience or the fast and easy way out of anything. Instead she seeks to present her family with quality. The majority of us young women in the group, consisting of wives, mothers, and single ladies had to admit that in our day and age we do indeed often favor a lifestyle of convenience, which sometimes compromises the quality of what we bring to the table (literally and figuratively) and is a stark contrast to the habits of the women in generations preceding ours. We see this in the amount of money spent on eating out (not to mention the amount of fast food we feed our kids) and the state of disarray we find our homes in more often than not. What happened to us? What happened to women who cooked, cleaned, raised multiple children and worked jobs without skipping a beat? Well, life happened. Career demands, ministry responsibilities, high-maintenance children, household chores with little to no help from husbands, going back to school, and honestly speaking bouts of laziness happens. So what do we do about it?

The first step is to realize that the role of the woman and God’s expectations of us as clearly outlined in His Word have not changed despite what many new-agers would say. Is that to say that the woman’s role is limited to the home? Not at all. It is to say that while the man is to be the head of the house and the leader of the family, we as women are to be the head of our home, as one very wise sister stated. Well isn’t that a contradiction? Not really. As the head of the home, we are responsible to see to it that the home is managed efficiently. I have no qualms with that. I just need a little help getting it done with all the other duties and endeavors on my plate. Does it take being a super woman? Since super human abilities are restricted to super heroes, which none of us are I’d say a resounding “No!” Instead, I think it takes super strategy, skill, and a sho-nuff system to be as effective as the virtuous woman is, which is step number two.

Not everyone’s system will look the same. What works for me may not work for you, so it is important to really seek God for a strategy that will specifically suit you and your family. You may not think that God is concerned with the manner in which you run your home, but He is. And when he reveals the strategy to you be diligent to carry it out with the aid and in the strength of the Holy Spirit. Believe it or not, the state of affairs in your home will spill out into the state of your life. Others will be able to see it in the way you operate outside your home. God cares because He cares about you and He wants you to be the best representation of Him that you can be. God is not out of order. Nor does He neglect His responsibilities. As His daughters, we shouldn’t either.

The third step is to ensure that we keep the proper precedent of how the virtuous woman operates in front of our daughters so that these virtuous qualities won’t be lost on them. The way that my grandmother, my mother and I were raised is completely different. My grandmother grew up picking cotton, cooking family meals from scratch (down to killing chickens off the yard), and going on to raise four children with an abusive husband. Life was certainly not easy for her. When my mother was growing up she had to do everything around the house: cook, clean, and watch after her younger sister and brothers under the pressure of her very demanding father. No peaches and cream there either. I, on the other hand, did have it pretty easy growing up compared to the two of them. I had a few chores, but was never made to do the things that either of them did daily. In our discussion one sister said that our parents wanted our lives to be better than their lives were, so they didn’t put the same amount of demands on us. That makes sense on the surface. But underneath it all I think it disabled us to a degree.

As a former classroom teacher and current school counselor I know what it means to be an enabler. I’ve seen numerous parents over the years who can accurately be placed in this category. Enablers make it easy for children to misbehave and make poor choices by failing to nip problem behaviors in the bud when they first occur and by making excuses for their children when really those excuses don’t excuse. It’s a parenting predicament among more recent generations, and I would argue that disabling is also a problem on the rise.

To disable is to make unable or unfit; and to weaken or destroy the capability of. Because of the lack of demands, many of our children are missing the care for the home that was ingrained in our mothers and grandmothers. In my opinion, we don’t need to relax the standards for our children to make life easier for them. It is our responsibility to instill those characteristics in the way that we raise them. So give them jobs to do around the house and require that they be completed on a reasonable time table. Teach them how to do these things and hold them accountable. And although the title is gender specific, let me just add that boys are not exempt from learning to be responsible around the house. That expectation will help to turn our boys into more supportive husbands on the home front. If we fail to do that, we are making them unfit for future family life and weak in work ethic. Let’s work to preserve the tradition, honor, and dignity of the virtuous woman in our own lives and the lives of generations to come. 

Feel free to share any other insights on this topic or strategies that help you be the phenomenal, virtuous woman in your home. Shout out to Deaconess Cheryl Hayes for inspiring this topic. Thanks, girlie!