Archive for Briana
Girl, Take Your Power Back!
The other morning while on car duty at work, I had a very interesting conversation with a sixth grade girl. Usually when dropped off at school this young girl would say good morning and walk right on by me with her book bag rolling behind her. But this morning was different. She decided she would stay outside with me while waiting on a particular friend of hers to arrive. This friend was a sixth grade boy who she said she likes and has liked for years. She was waiting on him so they could walk in and sit together before school began.
I was intrigued by her loyalty to this male “friend,” so I probed a little. “Does he know you like him?” I asked.
“Yeah, he knows,” she said proudly. “The whole school knows by now.”
“So how does he treat you since he knows?’ “Does he still hang out with you?”
“Oh he still talks to me, but he has a girlfriend,” she said as an after thought.
At that point I wanted to tell her, “Gal, get your behind in that building, and leave that boy alone!” but I contained myself and inquired a bit more.
“So how does it make you feel knowing that he has a girlfriend?” I asked.
“Umm, it’s okay,” she said shrugging her shoulders. “I’m just waiting for them to break up.”
With that, I realized that even from a young age many girls develop unhealthy views of relationships. Why would she think that it’s okay to throw yourself in the path of someone who doesn’t have her to think about? Can’t she see how foolish that appears? Obviously not because she waited and waited for her long-time crush to arrive.
Sadly, she is not the only one. I think we have all been there a time or two, but praise be to God I received a revelation that set me free. Ladies, calmly think about this.
Your happiness has much to do with the decisions you make regarding your relationships. Make the choice that you will not settle for less than you deserve, which is God’s best. I do not believe that God’s best involves you playing second fiddle to another woman or being in some man’s back pocket at his disposal. That’s the devil! You are worth so much more than that. If you are the virtuous woman that the Bible speaks of, then your price is far above rubies. Now what fool is going to carry around a jewel that precious along with his pocket lint? Just like his jeans, he taking you through the ringer. It may sound funny, but I’m being real.
Don’t let your desire for a man rule over you and control you. Have the desire because it’s natural, but don’t let it have you. Being in that state of mind is sin. I had to come to this realization as a single woman too. My deliverance came from the Word of God. In James 1:14-15 says “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” Now a lust is simply a desire gone haywire. So quite naturally and according to divine providence we all have the desire for loving companionship. It goes with the territory. But God never intended for the desire to turn to lust–a lust that will make you do just about anything to fulfill itself. Once that lust has taken root in us, it causes us to sin. I’m not just speaking of sexual sin, even though that definitely applies. I’m also speaking of manipulation, lies, deception, and anything else we do to get who we claim is our man. The Bible clearly defines sin as anything that is not of faith, so if you find yourself calculating the man’s every move and figuring out ways to throw yourself in his path, then you are definitely not trusting in the true and living God. You are trusting in your own selfish devices. Now you tell me, if by chance you do catch the man, how can a relationship birthed in sin live and thrive?
The great news is what the next two verses in James have to say…”Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” In other words, do not mistake God. He has the good and perfect gift that you need. He’s not like that man who can’t make up his mind about you–fickle and indecisive. He is constant, steady, and unchanging.
Take your power and your dignity back, let the Lord have His way and give Him the reigns of your heart.
I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.
Let me know what your thoughts are on this subject.
Ten Reasons to Take the Natural Plunge
Me with braids on one side and spiraled twists on the other.
Lately, I’ve noticed more and more women are taking the plunge and going natural. I have been natural for about 5 years now, but this is not my first trip down natural lane.
In 2003 during my deployment to Iraq, I cut my long, relaxed hair off with a Leatherman Micra. After six touch-up free months I got tired of trying to comb and detangle it in the in between state, so I did what most natural sisters call a BC or big chop. There I was in the shower snip, snip, snipping. I went in a mop head and emerged a sponge head. I never felt more free and scared at the same time. While I loved it, I feared what others would think about it. With the encouragement of my battle buddies, who were also natural, I wore it proudly. Besides, I didn’t have to worry too much about being cute in the desert. Now coming back home was a different story.
When I came home I got a mixture of reactions: some loved it, others hated it. It got to a point where I began to question whether or not I had made the right decision in cutting it. After about a year-and-a-half of being natural I gave into the pressure, the questions, and the plain ol’ ridicule and relaxed it. Boy, did I regret it. I regretted it so much that I had nightmares about it. I missed my kinky texture and all the different things I could do with it: twist it, fro it, straighten it, bantu knot it, comb twist it, etc. Relaxed hair looked nice, but it felt boring to me. Sure, there were days that I was not pleased with the look of my natural hair (bad hair days), but I also had bad hair days with a relaxer.
It wasn’t long (actually about six months) before I decided once again to go natural. Only this time I grew it out gradually instead of doing the BC. When I finally had cut off all the relaxed ends of my hair, there were still naysayers trying to discourage my decision. Can you believe someone actually told me that I wouldn’t be able to get a husband with my hair natural unless I went to Africa?! I mean really? Is hair an issue that is too hard for God? Obviously not, since I am married now in all my natural glory. Now run and tell that!
Although the transition was rough, it was definitely worth it. I don’t miss a relaxer at all. When I look in the mirror I see a beautiful woman with her own sense of style and uniqueness. I wouldn’t go back to a relaxer if you paid me. There’s just something about it unlike anything else. So I’ve compiled a top ten list of reasons why anyone considering going natural should. I’d say once you go nappy, you’ll always be happy. All my naturalistas can let me know if I’m right or not or add your own reasons.
This is me wearing two-strand twists for the first time. I was draped in a towel, trying to be cute in Iraq. Shout out to Jennifer Brown for twisting it for me.
This is me two years after transitioning to natural the second time around. Lovin' it!
10. More versatility. You can do all sorts of things with natural hair such as various kinds of twists, braids, wearing an afro or a puff, bantu knots, blowing out, flat ironing, locing, and the lists goes on and on.
9. It’s an accessory. The additional bonus with natural hair’s versatility is that you can dress it up or down, depending on your mood for the day. You can switch it like you switch a pair of earrings.
8. It’s a confidence booster. If you can get over the occasional stares from your haters (just between us, they are secretly admiring your hair when they do this), then you know that you are one confident diva who is not moved by the opinions of others. How freeing is that?
7. Easily lends itself to at-home styling. I don’t know about you, but I was growing weary of the trips to the hair salon with the long wait and prices. It’s comforting to know that I can achieve a killer cute style with the help of Youtube videos and some good products, with my own two hands (or with the hands of a loved one). Shout out to my mother on this!
6. It’s an icebreaker. You know how a man can just walk up to a random man and instantly begin a conversation about sports? Well, it’s not uncommon for a random person to just walk up to you and compliment your hair or to have a conversation about products and stylists.
5. Healthier, longer hair. Being chemical free allows your hair the chance to grow, if properly cared for, of course.
4. Shake and go. Wash and wear. If you’ve got a twa (teeny, weeny afro) you can walk out the door after washing with little maintenance. With longer styles you can add a little moisture and tousle it with your hands in the morning to revive the style. Saves a ton of time!
3. Freedom to scratch. Nothing was more aggravating than having to pat my itchy scalp a week before a touch-up. Hated it! Now I can scratch whenever I get good and ready.
2. No more chemical burns. No longer do I have to worry about leaving the shop with scabs on my scalp from all that scratching I was doing. Nuff said.
And the number one reason to go natural is…
1. Best. Sleep. Ever. I don’t have to sleep cute anymore with my natural hair. All I do is tie it up at night and sleep with reckless abandon. I wake up in the morning with my hair still in tact.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this. If anyone makes the decision to go natural from this post, welcome to the club!
I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.
Written by Briana Whitaker
